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[whitespace] Taste Criminals

Saratoga--"This is a quiet town," according to Mayor Don Wolfe, "and we like it that way."

But also, the halcyon days may have run their gentle course. On Saturday morning, August 1, a pair of crimes came to light--crimes so heinous, so perverse and--well, so tasteless--that the quiet little hamlet may never recover.

Vicious vandals, it seems, struck on Hilltop Way on a recent Friday night. Their mission: to coat the entire exterior of a car with nacho cheese.

They accomplished the bizarre act with great attention to detail. Then, because of either carelessness or insolence, they left the empty can of cheese on the vehicle's roof. Investigators later found the initials "SJM" and "ABM" printed in the cheesy matter itself.

Perhaps it was the same nefarious vandals who visited a residence on Apricot Hill Court, pouring and wiping refried beans on a second vehicle. Again they left the empty can perched on the hood of the car. In both instances, the two vehicles sported new scratches after the offending foodstuff was removed.

The next night, someone egged a car on Gerald Zappelli Court. Was it a spree? Midsummer madness? Law enforcement officials will never know. Sgt. Wayne Waltman of the sheriff's office notes that although egging is common enough, especially at the beginning of the summer when school first lets out, the bean-and-cheese treatment is a new one.

"That's a little different approach," he says, stifling a chuckle. "Normally it would be egging."

He reflects for a moment.

"Yep, that's kind of a rarity."
Traci Hukill

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