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Sex Survey Results Oh, yes: Oaklanders are HOT! By Traci Vogel SEX. For a tiny little three-letter word, it sure gets people riled up. In the past month, Urbanview has been bombarded with letters, emails, catalogues, outraged phone calls, more outraged phone calls. Yes, let the record show that Urbanview has gotten more sex this past month than a monkey has uncles. Refusing to be sidetracked, however, and tirelessly dedicated to our purely anthropological research, Urbanview's hardworking staff tallied every one of the hundreds and hundreds of sex surveys arriving daily, and a single overwhelming fact has surfaced: repetitive stress injury is no joke. That, and what was the other thing? Oh, yes: Oaklanders are HOT! Hot for sex toys, hot for internet porn, and hot for one another in every way, from every angle, and with or without their mother's permission. We compiled your answers, your questions, and your votes for Sexiest People, in this first-ever Urbanview Sex Overview Kinda Thingy (USOKT). The results may be shocking. They may be revolutionary. They may prove to you that aliens exist. Or they may simply reinforce that lovely Mop-Top truism: all you need is love. And what could be more timely than that? --Happy Valentine's Day, from Urbanview! The Missionary Position Gender: Of all respondents, 48% gazed deep into themselves and identified as male, 48% as female, and 4% were unable, or unwilling, to identify their gender. Sexual Orientation: Sexual orientation was obscured a little because a full 31% of women said they masturbated more than they had actual sexual intercourse, as did a full 38% of men. 62% of both males and females, however, did shout out as heterosexual, and 8% as gay. A negligible 2.3%, both male and female, called themselves bisexual. Age: 16% of the respondents were between 18 and 24 years old. 45% were 25 to 34, 27% were 35 to 44, and 12% were 45-64. Also, 0% of the respondents were under 18, so call off the lawyers. Political Affiliation: Predictably, the majority -- 48% -- of the respondents were Democrats. A spirited 22% identified as Green Party; and an even 4% signed on as Republican, Libertarian, Communist, and Independent. 11% politically identified as Other, all of whom were women. Odd Facts Real Public Service Programs 40% of the respondents who had sex with someone who got laid off last year vote Green. Where's the Escape Key? 66% of respondents who lost their virginity accidentally are now unemployed. Praise the Ford 40% of Christians had sex in a car last year. Insert Joke Here About "Dangling Chad" 28% of locals who wondered who won the Florida election last year also lied about cheating on a partner. Made In The USA 100% of the respondents who purchased an American flag last year also rented a porn video. Write-In Sexual Mysteries Here are some of the sex questions people wondered about in 2001: How do they cram all that graham? Why are homophobic males attracted to lesbian porn? Why do I always meet guys who are more interested in other things? What women do when they're alone. How to use all those holes at the same time. Is Jerry Brown gay or what?! What's foreplay? Why everyone doesn't laugh at the idea of ass slapping. How many positions are there, exactly? If I'm attracted to my computer, am I gay? Oakland's Sexiest ... Hairdressers: Kelvin Ching; Kitty English; Guy at Oh My Nappy Hair Artists: Aya de Leon; Githinji; Justin Grey Bartenders: Ali at the Red Room; Dave at George Kaye's; Robert at the Lost Weekend in Alameda; Thursday night female at Mingles College professors: Noam Chomsky, UCB; Andrew Workman, Mills College Mechanics: Mike Donson; Peter Mitchell Chefs: Peter North; Michael Wolf Musicians: Femi Andrade; Company of Prophets; Bart Davenport; Xan McCurdy; Andre Preston Be Our Valentine Congratulations to Marierose Mortera for captivating Urbanview staff with her "warm and chocolately" dream date. Marierose has won a date for two to dinner followed by a show at Yoshi's. [ East Bay | Metroactive | Archives ]