.Breaking Up With Amazon

Ending a relationship is never easy, but in this case the reason was undeniable. Right there in black and white. Line after line after line (after line!) on my Visa statement. 

It was time to break up with Amazon. 

But who could I start seeing instead?

With so much talk about the “death of retail,” it felt a little daunting to put myself out there. What would I find? Was there anyone good still left?

Because the thing is, it seems like every day we bemoan the demise of yet another retailer while we unbox yet another Amazon package. We decry the shuttered, papered-over commercial and retail spaces in malls and around town, while UPS and FedEx drivers race from one home to the next, barely able to keep up with the pace and demand for to-your-doorstep, next-day or even same-day deliveries.

Maybe it started or further accelerated with Covid, but either way it shows no sign of stopping or even slowing. If anything, it’s gotten worse. (Temu, anyone?!) Regardless of the root cause, what we want to buy—and, more importantly, how we want to buy it—has forever changed. We now don’t just want, we expect or even demand to buy anything we want from a vast selection with ease, speed, convenience and for a great price.

Sad but true. Breaking up with Amazon wasn’t going to be easy.

Regardless, in my heart I truly wanted to start shop-dating locally. Even if I wasn’t sure where I’d end up, I knew one thing for certain about getting started…I’d have to shower, get dressed and leave the house—and not just in sweats and slippers to fetch a package from the mailbox. 

Shelf Life

Since small, independently owned bookstores were the first businesses to be annihilated by Amazon, that seemed like a good place to start looking for my new local shopping love.

Amy Davis founded Banter Bookshop in Fremont in 2021 with an eye to providing “books and community for readers of all ages.” Note that date. She started a small, woman-owned independent bookstore AFTER Covid. Now that takes some guts!

Even more impressive, the reason she started the bookstore was basically altruistic. “The community needed it,” the longtime Fremont resident says. “I love books. I love to read. And I always want to buy books for gifts. But I like to get my hands on them. I’d find myself miles from home in a bookstore and one day just thought…we need a bookstore in Fremont. So I opened one.”

Central to Davis’s vision for Banter Bookshop was to create, as she put it, “an experience beyond retail.” She fulfills this by hosting a range of events including story time for children, open mic nights for poets, book clubs, silent reading nights and author readings.

What comes through so clearly in my conversation with Davis is her passion. She has a crush on books. But she’s also a realist. “It’s hard to avoid Amazon,” she says. “And while I absolutely want folks to come into the shop, I know they still may want to buy books online.”

For this, Davis is quick to point out two awesome Amazon alternatives. Audiobooks are all the rage. But Audible, one of the top audiobook providers, is a wholly owned Amazon subsidiary. The workaround, according to Davis? A site called Libro.fm, your “independent bookstore for digital audiobooks.” The site lets you create a free account and then choose which local bookstore you want to support with your purchase. With each audiobook you buy, a portion of the proceeds goes to your chosen local bookshop.

Another site with a similar approach for buying books online while supporting local sellers is bookshop.org. I wanted to buy the book that Banter recently selected for its Spring Book Club, North Woods by Daniel Mason. I logged on to bookshop.org, clicked the “Choose a Bookstore” drop down, purchased the book and felt immensely good about totally bypassing the Amazon overlords.

I was even more heartened to see the bookshop.org “ticker,” which shows the service has raised nearly $40 million for local bookstores since its founding. Davis says the revenue share for Banter from bookshop.org is “very fair” and she strongly encourages folks to check it out. But of course, she even more heartily emphasizes visiting Banter Bookshop and meeting up with other book lovers in the community.

Shopping Local

Dating and finding love requires good timing and trusting your instincts. So when my car started pulling me toward San Jose’s Japantown on the way home from Fremont, I relaxed and let it happen. And I am SO glad I did.

It was getting late, so I needed to speed date. In very short order I enjoyed Classic Loot (curated thrift, new and handmade), Roy’s Station (to get a coffee re-buzz), Zonkey (an independent specialty shop that offers collectible toys and art from the popular to the obscure), Nijiya Market (eye-popping Japanese grocery store) and Minasan (adorbs gift shop and hangout…on my visit replete with little girls in darling costumes and trying to pool their allowances for just the right trinkets).

I also made sure to check out the cherished and legendary Kogaru Company. Carrying a range of traditional Japanese gifts and collectibles, the family-owned store has been in the same location since 1934, making it the oldest business to occupy its original location among any Japantown in the US.

About itself Kogura says, “our store is a blend of past and present, which aims to keep the preservation and spirit of San Jose’s Japantown.” Their aim is true.

I picked up a number of gifts for future birthdays and maybe even Christmas, while I also learned that San Jose’s Japantown is one of the last three Japantowns remaining in the U.S. As a San Jose native, my heart swelled with pride.

The next shop to catch my eye actually caught my nose first. Florra in downtown Campbell says, “we are all about the small moments of indulgent self-care that pave the way to better health and wholeness.” This potential suitor was checking off all my boxes! 

Florra’s owner, Thuy Ha, left a 13-year career in branding and graphic design to open Florra. It is the retail expression of Ha’s passion for natural, holistic approaches to wellness. Her shop also opened after COVID—once again, a bold move by a female entrepreneur.

Originally, Ha wasn’t thinking of opening a retail store at all. She envisioned establishing a wellness center that would offer sound baths, Reiki and other healing modalities. But what if a wellness center and a retail shop had a baby? That’s how Florra was born. 

“I wanted to create an experience that you couldn’t find anywhere else,” Ha says. “Florra is so much more than just a store that sells product. If you want that, you can go to Target or Amazon and get a hand lotion and, honestly, it will probably be cheaper. At Florra, you’ll find an artisanal, hand-made, natural and organic lotion. It’s about elevating a daily ritual. It’s about a lifestyle. That’s what our customers come into the store to find. And that’s what we curate for them.”

While a lot of brands talk about creating an experience, Florra takes that idea literally. The shop regularly hosts community events and workshops that bring together like-minded people who value wellness, beauty, healing and togetherness. 

Florra’s latest offering, which opened last September, is a Scent Bar. Participants can discover the art of fragrance-blending and leave with their own bespoke perfume.

Ha does admit that for herself and others in brick-and-mortar retail, this is not an easy time. “We are all feeling the weight of it,” she says. “But in my experience, if you’re just opening a store to sell product because you think it will be lucrative, that probably won’t work. There is a new wave of customers looking for something very different. They want authenticity and they can feel it. You have to provide a deep sense of passion, purpose and meaning to connect with this new type of shopper.” 

Perfect Fit

With all due respect to the bravery of these relatively new retailers, an even bigger shout out must be given to OG shops like BellaJames Women’s Boutique, which has survived and thrived in Willow Glen for 19 years. It’s hard to fathom the fashion fads, styles and trends, not to mention economic upheavals and other issues that owners Vicky Malvini and sister-in-law Lisa Morris must have seen come and go over the years. 

Before opening their shop, both spent years working in fashion and retail, most notably at Nordstrom “way back in the day,” when Nordstrom was defined and distinguished by making customer service an art. BellaJames embraced that artform and keeps it alive in the shop today.

They acknowledge the effects of Amazon and a new wave of “fashion influencers,” but they don’t overreact. They keep a close eye on the business and stay nimble. For example, the current economic climate now favors a more “price sensitive” customer, so they respond accordingly, providing a wider blend of price points. 

But according to Malvini, some aspects of their approach never change. For one thing, they don’t see what they do as a transaction. “It may sound surprising, but clothing is a remarkably personal, emotional purchase. We spend a lot of time talking to our customers. As a result, we may come to find, for example, that this is the first time they are shopping after experiencing dramatic weight loss. That human connection is everything. There is no bot, algorithm or AI that can uncover that. Someone has to trust you enough to share it with you. Through these interactions we’ve established very dedicated customers, with lots of repeat business. They saved us through the pandemic. This community has been here for us. And we are here for this community.”

At BellaJames they know their customers personally, they know the products on the shop floor like the back of their hands, and they focus on making the shopping experience playful and fun. When I visited the store, I was greeted by a staff member with a beaming smile and an offer of help and within moments felt like I was shopping with my best friend. 

We talked about the Amazon effect and the salesperson, Jean, said something that stuck with me. “We are all so focused on convenience,” she said. “But sometimes we need to be inconvenienced. Good things can come from that.” 

It sounded counter-intuitive at first. We need to get out of our comfort zone? Yes, we do. Why? In part because we’ve become hypnotized to mindlessly insta-buy things we probably don’t need and may not have even wanted until seeing a promoted post on social media. Most likely, and a bit ironically, that very ad was probably also generated mindlessly, by some form of AI machine, algorithm or bot. We have to unlearn that habit. But to break the pattern, it may start with feeling a little uncomfortable. 

There’s also the pseudo-convenience moment of buying online when you think you’ve found the perfect item at a great price….until it arrives. You realize it’s that fabric (ick) or that fit (ouch) or just (ugh) all wrong. It looks and feels nothing like what you expected. Then you feel irritated and duped. It’s like meeting someone with an awesome profile in person for the first time…and uh-oh. 

This scenario is how I ended up rushing into Helm of Sun Valley desperately looking for the actual perfect snowboard jacket, since the one I thought I found was now being sent back. 

It may sound clichéd, but it was such a relief to talk to real humans who actually ski and ride locally and know the area, the conditions and the gear inside and out. It was cool to know my dollars were going to a store that’s been family owned and operated in our community since 1940. The current owner, Kris Eckhardt, worked for Helm for 18 years before buying the San Jose and Capitola locations from the previous family. If you are old enough to remember Mel Cotton’s, the OG San Jose sporting goods store, Kris worked there too. It was even cooler to learn that Kris is a Dark Arts certified master bootfitter (yes, that’s a thing) through Master Fit University (also a thing) and has trained every bootfitter at Helm since 2005. My spring break trip up to Tahoe was back on track!

Into the Closet

Any conversation about splitting up with Amazon naturally turns to a discussion of consumption in general, and from there someone almost always invokes the “reduce, re-use, recycle” mantra. The “maker movement” and other DIY efforts also get mentioned a lot.

Dori Gladden, founder of Camp Fashionista in San Jose, helps people become a part of that trend. Following decades in the fashion industry as a designer and running her own label in LA and the Bay Area, Gladden saw an opportunity and built a curriculum to teach fashion design to kids as young as 6 on up to teens…and eventually even their parents became interested.

Fashion design is an exciting, attractive and potentially lucrative career, but at its core, Camp Fashionista is teaching an essential life skill—sewing, both by hand and with a machine. From there, Gladden offers a curriculum that incorporates drawing, design, embroidery, crochet and knitting.

Making things from scratch is one way to ward off the shopping jones. Another is to consider ways to breathe fresh life into the things you already have. At a time when the words “anxious,” “nervous,” “afraid” and “uncertain” are circulating freely, many of us simply don’t want to spend money at all. The challenge is, we may still crave the rush of endorphins and the dopamine hit that can accompany a new purchase.

One solution is to “shop your own closet” and for this, Gladden recently launched an all-gender styling business. “Just saying the word ‘stylist’ can connote a rich, exclusive lifestyle,” Gladden says. “But that’s a misconception.” Gladden touts her business as “a personal stylist for everyday people.”

She says, “I can work with someone for as little as one hour, without them making a single new purchase, but they leave that interaction feeling uplifted and transformed. The thing I hear a lot from clients is ‘I have so many clothes, but nothing to wear,’ and that’s where my decades in the fashion industry come in. I remove the uncertainty. When I pull it all together, my clients are amazed.”

Her secret? “I see your closet with my eyes.” 

To those who may think a personal stylist seems lavish or bougie, Gladden would say it’s far more practical and grounded than that. “Standing in front of your closet and seeing ‘nothing to wear’ creates a feeling of helplessness,” she explains. “And what if it’s a big day at work, or a job interview or some other important life moment? How you look impacts how you feel about yourself. And that impacts how you perform. It matters. It’s a form of self-care. It’s not frivolous.” 

Global Menu

After a break-up, there is often a big “aha!” moment. Mine came when I realized that the sterile robotics of a digital e-commerce platform designed to predict your behavior in an effort to make you BUY MORE STUFF could not compare to the brains, heart, soul, sweat and, yes, even tears that these founders, owners, makers and entrepreneurs bring to the table every day.

They all wanted what was best for me. Then and there I knew I had found what I was looking for. And pretty soon, like in all the best rebound relationships, I discovered I’d stopped thinking about the “other guy” at all. I knew I deserved better. 

But what I also knew is that all this thinking and shopping was making me hungry and thirsty. And that’s when I found it. You know that feeling when you meet someone new and it just clicks? Well, the International Food Bazaar in San Jose is the grocery store equivalent of that. 

Family owned since 1979, the store specializes in gourmet food and beverages from all over the world. As I shopped each tantalizing aisle, I found myself wondering if there was a nation or ethnic group NOT represented in the store. I highly doubt it. If you want to eat the rainbow, they have you covered.

You’re greeted by fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs from right here in California. A full-service butcher features halal beef, goat and lamb. There’s also all-natural chicken. It’s all clean as a whistle. Grain fed (no animal protein in the animal’s feed), no antibiotics, no animal byproducts. They also stock a seemingly unending selection of coffee and tea, as well as pastas, bulk nuts, oils, vinegars, jams and jellies, vegetable spreads.

I came away with enough bread from Iran, chocolate from Dubai, spices from Pakistan, herbs from India, sweets from Greece and other global delicacies to delight my family for days. The staff was so helpful, kind and welcoming. That evening when I got home, we had an incredible time taste-testing everything and learning about the cultures. Again, despite having its own deep, vast selection, there is simply no way Amazon could come anywhere close to replicating this kind of shopping experience. 

And I have to mention, if foreplay is your thing, be sure to slide into the Honey Bakery & Café, just a couple doors down, before hitting up the International Food Bazaar. A carbaholic by nature, I was immediately attracted to the sangak and barbari, traditional Persian breads freshly baked onsite and served warm, wrapped in paper. Imagine a pie-shaped slice of bread about as thick as pita but as big as a pillow case—just waiting to be dipped, drenched or slathered with the sweet, buttery or savory sauce of your choice. Next time I will also grab slices of carrot cake, German chocolate cake and every flavor of the numerous Persian baghlava, which, in a slight variation from Greek baklava, uses chopped pistachios and almonds, with a rosewater sweet syrup drizzled all over it.

To wrap it all up, my advice is this: You may not be able to kick the habit altogether, but if nothing else, cut back. Pause. Think. Explore your options. Become more aware of what’s behind that ad or promoted post. Seek to make more intentional choices about your needs and balance that with what our community, our small business owners, the environment and a thriving local economy truly do need. 

If all that fails, consider this. In our world today, it’s difficult to see how we can make a difference. Or create impact. How each of us as individuals can affect real, meaningful, lasting change. We want to be heard. We want to be seen. We want to protest. We want to resist. That is to be applauded. But keep in mind—you can accomplish all that with your wallet. 

Give it a shot! It feels really good. Who knows? You might just find true love.