.I Saw You: Shots Fired

You and your weak cohorts rolled up at the corner of San Carlos and Third streets and chose to unload pellet gun shots at me and my friends before “speeding” off. Were you my ex-girlfriend, and now after our breakup you’re some wildin’ gangsta? Baby, I’m sorry I kept the George Foreman grill. Or maybe you were just some Warriors fan engaging in extreme post-championship revelry? Whoever you were, I’m flattered to be a part of your drive-by shooting. Really I am. I’m just some average, ethnically ambiguous white guy, so I can see how it would be easy to mistake me for 50 Cent or Tupac. What an honor to stand alongside them in the annals of gunplay lore. And, it only cost me an elbow abrasion that I would describe as “weak AF,” as the kiddos say. But next time you wanna have fun stormin’ the castle, I suggest you bring something better than what mommy bought you at Toys R Us.
I Saw You is an anonymous “man on the street” column. Email your rants and raves about co-workers or any badly behaving citizens to [email protected], or send to 380 S. First St, San Jose, 95113. Submissions should stick to about 100 words.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest Giveaways

$25 to 71 Saint Peter

Win a $25 gift certificate to 71 Saint Peter in downtown San Jose. Drawing Ocober 12, 2022.
Win a $50 to Scott's Seafood in San Jose. Drawing October 26, 2022.
Metro Silicon Valley E-edition Metro Silicon Valley E-edition