This coming June will mark the nine-year anniversary of the local podcast Once Upon a Crime, curated by Esther Ludlow. As with many podcasters, the popularity of the medium has allowed her to make a living off of a true passion.
“When I was in high school, I was a big reader. I came across this paperback book called The Stranger Beside Me, by Ann Rule, which was about the serial killer Ted Bundy,” Ludlow says, pinpointing her first entry into true crime. “It was always about the psychology of crime and why they did what they did. What’s their motive?”
Once she found her passion, Ludlow says, she decided to get a bachelor’s degree in psychology at Holy Names University in Oakland. After that, Ludlow went on to earn a master’s at Santa Clara University, graduating in 2008 while simultaneously working in juvenile hall as a teacher.
When she started the podcast in 2016, Ludlow wasn’t sure if anyone would be interested. To her surprise, Once Upon a Crime brought in 7,500 listeners within the first three weeks of launching.
Given the plethora of crime documentaries on streaming platforms, radio shows and now podcasts, perhaps it’s not surprising. There is a hunger in these listeners to understand the people who commit crimes. And during 350 episodes over the course of nine years, Ludlow has tried to make sense of the senseless.
Ludlow’s parents divorced when she was young and her mother remarried. Her stepfather was a physically abusive man who used a belt on Esther and her siblings. She says life became about survival at an early age, and she felt always on alert to avoid setting anything off within the home.
“I consider myself to be a storyteller in order to understand her own life better. Talking about childhood, life has much to do with how you react to it. You can become like what was done to you, or you can reject it and become the opposite,” Ludlow says.
Ludlow says she began thinking about how the perpetrators of mass shootings typically don’t seem like “monsters.”
Through her schooling and discussions about crime and criminals, she says, she began to understand that some people who experience pain and trauma tend to shut off parts of themselves, preventing them from feeling empathy toward other people.
Other personality types—such as narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths—mimic emotions like kindness and empathy. When other people encounter these types, they are simply there to validate those personalities. “Outside of that field, you are nothing to them,” says Ludlow, as she gives a mini lesson on her findings about how personalities that deviate from the norm may lead to criminal activity.
Many people yearn to understand the reason why people commit crimes. Ludlow says that although she may never really know the answer to why people do what they do, she still enjoys asking the question.
Ludlow says she was particularly interested in kidnapping cases and wanted to learn about the victims, some of whom even were forced to have children with the kidnappers, such as Jaycee Dugard. “How do these people survive these things?” she ponders. “I am interested in the theme of survival.”
She also expresses curiosity about those people who are attracted to serial killers—even going so far as to marry them. “Savior complex, attention or just feeling important, thinking they are going to save this person,” she muses.
Everybody does things for a reason, and Ludlow wants to get as close as she can to understanding that reason. She covers cases from her own angle, even if these cases have been thoroughly studied. She wants to look at cases with her own idea of how they can be tackled with a fresh approach.
We learn a lot about human nature and our own shadow side by studying criminals. Everyone has negative thoughts, like road rage, but what makes a person actually cross the line into committing a crime? And how can we avoid being around when others take that fatal step?
“You feel safe from hearing these stories,” Ludlow says. “It gives a precaution to avoid certain people, by listening to their gut. There are stories of survival and people not surviving,” Ludlow says, noting that 75% to 80% of her listeners are women. In addition to providing some insight into criminals and how to avoid them, she believes her podcast offers a bit of closure and healing for anyone that’s been on the receiving end of abuse.
great article!